The Art of Saying No

This is for my fellow people-pleasers

Growing up, my dad had a rule: “Never say yes when you want to say no.”

Simple, right? Except teenage me thought he was being dramatic. Why would I say no when saying yes made everyone happy? I spent years being the ultimate people-pleaser—bending over backward to avoid disappointing anyone. Friends, family, even complete strangers—I wanted to be the person who always showed up, always adjusted, always made things easier for others.

I thought I was being kind. I thought I was being liked. But in reality? I was exhausted.

The Cost of Always Saying Yes

The more I said yes to everyone else, the more I was saying no to myself. I wasn’t living my life—I was living a version of it shaped by other people’s expectations. And for what? To be liked? To avoid conflict? To not feel guilty?

I remember a time in university when I had three deadlines looming, a part-time job shift the next morning, and barely any sleep from the night before. A friend asked if I could help with their assignment, and without thinking, I said yes.

Why? Because I didn’t want to disappoint them.

So instead of finishing my own work, I spent hours helping them. By the time I got to my own assignments, I was drained. My work was rushed, my energy was gone, and I ended up feeling resentful—not at my friend, but at myself. Because the truth was, they didn’t force me to help. I had chosen to overextend myself. I had put their needs above my own. And I was the one paying the price.

That was the moment I started questioning things.

Why did I always feel responsible for other people’s happiness? Why did I feel guilty when I put myself first? And most importantly—was I actually happy?

That’s when my dad’s words hit me again, along with another one of his classic lines:

“You can’t make everyone happy—you’re not an ice cream truck.”

And he was right. (Dads usually are—annoyingly)

No matter how much I tried to accommodate everyone, there would always be someone who wanted more. And the more I gave, the less I had for myself.

The Power of Saying No

So, I started practicing the art of saying no—not in a rude way, but in a way that honored me. At first, it felt uncomfortable.

"Water your own roots first—only then can you help others grow."

I worried people would think I was selfish. But something incredible happened; my life got easier.

I stopped feeling like I had to carry everyone else’s happiness on my back. I started making decisions based on what I truly wanted, not out of obligation or guilt. And guess what? The people who genuinely cared about me understood. The ones who didn’t? Well, maybe they only liked me when I was a “yes” person.

Learning to say no wasn’t just about setting boundaries—it was about self-respect. It was about realizing that my worth isn’t tied to how much I can give to others at my own expense.

And here’s something that changed the game for me:

No is a full sentence.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t have to justify why you’re prioritizing yourself. A simple “No, I can’t” or “No, I’m not available” is enough. If someone respects you, they’ll respect your boundaries too.

If saying no feels too hard at first, try this: Buy yourself some time.

Instead of giving an immediate yes, say:"Let me get back to you on that."

This small pause gives you space to actually consider whether you want to say yes or if you’re just doing it out of habit. Over time, it gets easier.

And remember: You don’t exist to make everyone happy. It’s okay to disappoint people. It’s okay to put yourself first. It’s okay to say no.

I hope this helps you too—because it has definitely made my life a whole lot easier.